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Thursday, April 21, 2011

New "Moron Club!"

Dear Moron Club:

Morons, I love you. I really, really do. All of you—from the expert moron to the neophyte. But, if you do want to work your way out of the Moron Club, the world of the informed, rational, and reasonable will welcome you with open arms.

So, Birthers, you thought you were special, didn’t you? You thought you were the only morons on the scene, didn’t you?

But, you are not the only morons who are being laughed. Oh no, not by far.

Now, sit down. Breathe deeply. Not only are you stupid… Not only are you being laughed at…But, you aren’t all that special. It is time to start the very first Moron Club!

The Moron Club is going to be inclusive, because that’s how I roll. It really, really is.

The first members of the Moron Club, after Birthers, are...ta da: Racists!

Racists, I love you, because it is my mission in life to love everyone. You make me bleed from the eyes and you are the reason my husband tells people we are from Canada when we travel. (You don't get out much, do you?) But, maybe, with a little unconditional love, you could join the human race? Fingers crossed!

I know, I know. You don’t think you are a racist. Already heard it. If you are one of those people who makes derogatory comments or sends derogatory emails about races other than your own—or heck, let's throw in ethnic groups!—you are a racist and a moron.

But, people aren’t laughing with you or at you. They are disgusted by you. Most people won’t confront you—they will quietly pity your children. You look like a dumb jerk and you do a lot of harm. You are a social leper.

If you laugh at racist comments or jokes, you are a moron by association and a moral wimp. You are not a lady or a gentleman.

If you are one of those un-evolved Cro-Magnons who attends rallies with or carries signs of our president as an ape or an Aborigine or some other appalling non-sense, you don’t deserve the title moron—it’s too good for you. If your mother were living, she would spank you and cry herself to sleep. People look at you with revulsion. They aren't laughing. You are not making a political statement. You are the political statement. People look at you and say, “What has the world come to?”

The third members of the Moron Club are the Paranoiac Morons. If you believe that President Obama is Moslem, you are a moron and people are befuddled by how you could be so stupid.

I am not entirely sure they are laughing at you so much as amazed by you--I know I am amazed. No, your friends won’t tell you this. Most of your friends are morons, too. But, notice how some of your friends get very quiet when you talk? Then, their eyes dart around the room a little? They smile as if you’re making a joke and then frown? Then, they change the subject? Yep. They are first puzzled and then amazed by how you could be so stupid.

There are three elements to being a Paranoiac Moron. First, so what! Yeah, you heard me! I am going to change my FB religious status to Moslem. Second. The president isn’t Moslem and you are a paranoid lunatic and a moron if you think so. Paranoid lunatic is even worse than moron.

Third, what is your religion? Do you presume to be Christian? In my household, we certainly would not have been allowed to accuse a professed Christian of not being so. Honestly, God spoke to me and told me to tell you to stop judging people! It isn’t your job. JK :>)

Hmmm…there is indeed a long list of morons and you can all be in the Moron Club! And, you all need love and a lot of it. You have failed to do research, gather facts, and come to rational conclusions.

If you believe that President Obama grew up in Kenya , you are a moron. If you believe that President Obama attended an Islamic madrassah in Indonesia , you are a moron. If you believe that all, most, or even many of the world’s Moslems are terrorists, you are a moron. If you believe that all terrorists look alike, you are a moron. If you believe that all terrorists are Arabs, that all Arabs are terrorists, that all Middle-Easterners are Arabs…you are a moron.

Simply put: Politicians know that President Obama was born in the USA & is a citizen; They know he is a Christian; They may be racists but they would never be seen carrying a disgusting poster at a silly rally—it would be too lacking in dignity; They know the president grew up in Hawaii and was reared by his mother and grandparents; They might be confused about who is and isn’t Arab.

They lie to you. Plain and simple. What they say on conservative talk shows and on liberal talk shows isn’t even the same. They want the "moron vote."

But, I still love you. I really, really do. Hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.

Your friend,


P.S. Turn off the TV!


  1. OMG...too hilarious, oh Vivs, how I wish I wrote it! Besides being a winning call out, it just hits the mark so spot on...
    Girl, how I love ya'. I am tingling with pride and satisfaction that you done it, and done it sooooo good:)

  2. Hello,I love reading through your blog, I wanted to leave a little comment to support you and wish you a good continuation. Wishing you the best of luck for all your blogging efforts.