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Sunday, February 26, 2012

Dear Democratic Fundraisers and Rainmakers

Dear Democratic Fundraisers and Rainmakers:

My dear, dear Democratic Fundraisers and Rainmakers: Oh, wait! Is that an oxymoron? JK!

I love you! I love Democratic Fundraisers with my whole heart and soul. I don’t even have to work at it and I am not even being sarcastic, or ironic, or just plain evil. I love you even though you are giving me ulcers! YOU are the very best in the world and it is a privilege to know you and work with you!

Let me share with the entire blogosphere the minutes of our last Candidate Rainmaker Big Fundriaser Democratic Meeting (The BFD meeting).

I want those Republicans to understand the rich school teacher evil dastardly Machiavellian out of state hippy smelly tree hugging rich union thug (did I mention rich?) bastards they are dealing with.

Because this group is dangerous. Far more dangerous than anyone realizes. Far more dangerous than $350.00 wine.

Here are the minutes:

Vivian: “I propose that we have a “black tie” event and charge $1,000 for our next fundraiser!”

Everyone in unison: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Vivian: “$500.00?”

Everyone in unison: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Vivian: $100.00?”

Responses are shouted out:
“It cannot be done!”
“People cannot afford it!”
“There will be people that can’t come!”
“Someone will be left out!”
“Feelings will be hurt!”
“We’ve never made money before and we are not starting now!”

Vivian: “We can have a terrific pot-luck for everyone and even pay for the drinks at another time. But, for our fundraiser, let’s charge a LOT of money!”

Dave: “Settle down, Vivian. We are not Republicans.”


“WE cannot ever charge a lot of money for anything!
“WE are Democrats.”
“WE don’t believe in money! We would have an
identity crises!”
“WE cannot start on time, either!”

Vivian: “Then, how we will ever raise money for candidates and campaigns?”

(Everyone ignores this sincere question.)

More shouted reactions:
“Twenty-five dollars is too much. People cannot
afford it!”
“What about $20.00?”
“$20.00? Are you crazy? Who are you, Paul Ryan?”

(Audible gasp from Vivian)

Vivian (in tears now): “We have to charge $25.00 to make any money at all.”

Response from the floor:
“Too much!”
“$10.00 is reasonable.”
"Students will be free."
"People who cannot pay will be free!"

The treasurer reports that the meal costs $20.00 and most people nod and agree that losing $10.00 per person on a fundraiser is a great plan for rich evil smelly hippy union thug rich teacher municipal employee out-of-state (did I mention rich?)Democrats who actually live in Rock County, Wisconsin.

Shouted reactions to losing $10.00 on the next Democratic fundloser: “YES!”

(Vivian has passed out on the floor. Someone walks over her to get coffee—which is free at all Dem Party events.)

Vivian (revived—in a pleading voice): “This is a fundraiser. We HAVE to raise money to win elections. Walker & Ryan have Koch and every big corporation in the USA and the world behind them. What do we have? $10.00 fundlosers? People, people, people!

Everyone in unison: “YES! WE ARE THE PEOPLE!”

Once again, responses are shouted out:
“We aren’t Republicans!”
“We don’t leave anyone out!”
“We are a big tent party!”
“Money doesn’t define us!”

Angela: “I will make it fashionable!”

Mike: “I will market it!”

Sam: “I’ll help!”

Wanda: "I'll be there. I'll donate!"

Ronnie: “I move that we charge $15.00 for our fundraiser.”

Bill: “I second it.”

Dave: “All in favor?”

Vivian: “Eiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”

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