Dear Dan Conry

Dear Dan,

I love you. I really do. But, if you think you can sling adjectives better than yours truly, think again!

You want adjectives? I’ll show you adjectives, descriptors, and maybe even an adverb or two. In fact, I’ll see you 11 adjectives (you repeated yourself a lot) and raise you 11 adjectives--maybe more!

Your coverage of the Forward Janesville Annual Dinner was not just irksome, it was beastly and loathsome. It was like listening to fingernails on a chalkboard, like chewing Tums, like walking on a squeaky floor, like sitting down on a wet toilet seat, like…oh, you get the picture.

I wasn’t just piqued; I was offended, repulsed, scandalized, shocked, and horrified—for you and your family. You must all be horribly embarrassed! I am so sorry; are your children grown? They aren’t still in school are they? I do hope not—how humiliating for them. Are you married? How many times? Just being nosy.

The vomitus that you spewed revealed so much about you that I blushed just listening to the podcast. Have you ever taken a psychology class? You aren’t short are you? Oh, I checked. You are. And, you know what that say about men who speed by with their radios playing too loudly? “Small P@#$% Syndrome?” Oh, dear…

And, my goodness, you have led a sheltered life! I thought you were an NYPD Detective? What, they don't use a little language in NY? Well, I don’t know what playgrounds you were hanging around, but I didn’t hear a single word Tuesday night that wasn’t said somewhere today on some playground in Wisconsin today.

Oh, my! Someone called you a "piece of s@#$." Buck up! What is wrong with you? Quit being a cowardly, hypersensitive, whining, crybaby. Grow up.

You need to get out more! Let’s go out for drinks. I can show you language.

And, my dear, didn’t your mother teach you about being a “wanna-be.” Here in Janesville, it is the worst thing you can be! It is worse than being a school teacher, or a Ph.D., or a business owner, or a Teamster, or a military veteran, or a Senator—those were some of the “free loaders” that I was standing beside outside at the protest Tuesday night.

Your portrayal of the protesters as "free-loaders" and "people waiting for the check" was not only a lie, it was just despicable, abhorrent, atrocious, and contemptible.

You made horribly cloying, dreadful, execrable, foul, sleazy, remarks about every Janesville VIP you could think of on your little, un-important, measly, nasty, vile, wretched, insignificant excuse for a radio show.

Listen up, you moronic pin-head: The vast majority of people at the dinner are middle class people who work for a living--as were the people protesting.

We can see right through you. We know who you are and what you are. You aren't powerful and you aren't wealthy. You aren't a great intellect. You aren't even entertaining.

You are no gentleman. You are a suck-up.

I mean that in the best possible way.

Your friend,
Vivian